


Where Your Flowers Can Bloom

by hanktalkin



Series: You're Worth More than the Whole Lot of 'Em [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blindness, Body Worship, Break Up, Domestic, Family Dynamics, Illnesses, Love Confessions, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post! Mann vs. Machine, unemployment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-01 03:50:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8606137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanktalkin/pseuds/hanktalkin
Summary: A month after the end of the robot wars, Demo’s depressed and Soldier’s homeless. They make quite the pair, their past relationship an awkward complication in their new living situation. Can they work through their issues, and remember why they fell in love in the first place?Takes place in between the end of the robot wars and the beginning of the tf2 comic. working under the assumption that Soldier went to go live with Demo instead of trying to live in a box.





	1. Chubby Bunny

**Author's Note:**

> ty to YourChickenMan for beta-ing!

It had been 49 days since the end of the robot wars when the former Demoman heard a knock at his door.

It had been 11 months, and 5 days since the end of the gravel wars when he grumbled to himself, and got up from in front of the TV.

It had been 4 years, 6 months, and 12 days since first being hired by RED, when he opened the door to door to a very familiar face.

“Hello, Fat Demoman!”

Soldier. Soldier was here. _Soldier was here_. The TV still sputtering out re-runs of Ghost DA, Demo could barely contain his shock. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, not really sure what he should be saying to the former co-worker that had suddenly appeared on his doorstep. Eventually he gave in to his inner voice that kept saying _hug him you asshole._

Demo did, and Soldier hugged him back. Standing like that, it was like the past month apart had never even happened.

Demo pulled away, punching Soldier lightly in the shoulder. “Is that how you greet me, lad? After all this time apart and you’re already lookin’ for a sock in the jaw?”

Soldier only grinned, still keeping one arm wrapped around Demo’s waist while eyeing him up and down. “I am stating facts, private. Only a godless commie ignores the truth when his friend has obviously let himself go.”

Soldier, for his part, looked exactly the same has he did a month ago, uniform and all. He and Demo had parted on good terms, the end of their four-year relationship relatively harmonic. Demo hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the barmy mercenary until just now.

They were still standing in the middle of the doorway still half holding each other, the swell of reunion making Demo forget they couldn’t just go back to how things were. He jerked away, covering up the awkward movement by motioning Soldier inside. Soldier noticed anyway, and tried to hide his look of hurt. All Demo wanted to do was plop on the couch and ask him a million questions, but he at least had enough host-ness in him to ask if Soldier wanted anything to drink. Soldier thought it was a bit early in the day to be drinking, and Demo had to reassure him that there was some water and fruit juice in the fridge.

“So,” Demo said, sitting on the couch opposite Soldier, “where the hell have you been? You said you were goin’ tae keep in touch.”

Soldier idly rubbed the condensation on his water glass. “Nowhere. Just home.”

“Ah.” Demo’s smile remained plastered to his face. “Well then. What you been doin’ with yourself?”

“Nothing.”

This wasn’t going anywhere. Demo felt the beginnings of awkwardness slip into the room, something he almost never felt when around Soldier. He thought about taking Soldier’s hands in his own and trying to pry a real answer out of him, but instead just took a sip of his drink.

“Have you been avoidin’ me?”

Soldier looked anywhere but Demo, this going not at all like he had hoped. “No,” he replied unconvincingly. “I’ve just been…it doesn’t matter.”

“C’mon, lad. What’s goin’ on? Why are you givin’ me the cold shoulder?”

“ _It doesn’t matter_ ,” Soldier repeated harshly. He relented, catching the look of shock on Demo’s face. “I mean…” he tried again, “I came here to ask you something.”

Demo felt his heart sink. He had thought Soldier had come to see him, not try to start the trouble his questions always brought.

“What is it?”

Soldier took a deep breath. “Two days ago, I got kicked out of my castle. I don’t have anywhere else to go. I don’t have any family, and you’re the only person from the old team I know how to get in contact with.”

His embarrassment apparent, Soldier furiously rubbed the back of his neck

“I wouldn’t normally ask, but…I just…It’s been hard. Finding a job after RED. I took a few but I always messed them up, getting fired before making any real money.” Soldier looked up at him. “I don’t want to be some hippie, living on the street and drinking orange juice from a straw. I…was hoping…I could stay with you? Until I get back on my feet?”

Demo blinked. This was…inconceivable. Soldier never admitted when things were going poorly, let alone asked someone for help.

“Soldier! You used to be a millionaire! What the hell happened?”

Soldier shrank further in on himself. “Well, when we were working for Mann Co., we weren’t getting paid for almost a year. I spent most of my salary on weapons. And…” Soldier swallowed. “Even before that, I wasn’t very good with money. When work dried up, I just…couldn’t keep making the payments. At least before I could always tell Merasmus I was good for it.”

Demo shook his head. Things must be truly dire if Soldier had swallowed his pride enough to come here.

“If things are really that bad…” Demo began. “O’ course you can stay. I’d love tae have you back around.” He managed a grin.

Soldier’s shoulders collapsed in relief, and Demo wondered if expected a ‘no’. He was halfway to saying thank you when he paused, catching the look of doubt on Demo’s face.

“There’s a catch, isn’t there?”

“No! No, no catch,” Demo backpedaled. “Just…er…there might be some…complications.”

He didn’t have to explain himself further, because just then the complications came stomping down the stairs.

“Tavish!” Mrs. DeGroot growled at him. “Are you havin’ guests without introducin’ me first?”

Damn. She was probably in her room when the doorbell rang, waiting on Tavish to come and get her. He jumped to his feet, but she waved him back down again.

“And tae think, you always peck me about goin’ down the stairs alone, but dunnae even remember your own stupid rules. And you!” said, turning on Soldier. The American went pale. “Did my son at least offer you a drink, even if he wasn’t kind enough tae make some proper greetin’s?”

“Uh…” Soldier looked between the Demoman and his mother, caught completely off guard by her sudden appearance. “Y-yes. I have some water-”

“Water! Pah! We have a fine bottle o’ malted liquor, just for guests. Here, I’ll go get it.” Before Demo could stop her, she bustled off down the hall to one of the many liquor cabinets. The two men were once again left alone in the living room, glancing sheepishly at each other.

“So…” Demo rubbed the back of his neck. “…Yeah. Complications.”

Soldier shook his head. “I had no idea your mother lived with you. If I did, I never would have asked-”

“No, no, it’s fine Soldier. I still want you tae stay. It’s just that…”

Demo swallowed. They could never resume their previous relationship, not with Mrs. DeGroot still in the house. Demo wasn’t sure exactly what Soldier wanted from him; what sort of expectations there were out of this arrangement. But he couldn’t reject Soldier up front, not when he hadn’t even brought up the possibility yet.

“…It’s just that she’s a bit hard to live with.”

“I have _ears_ Tavish Finnegan, and I use them twice as often as you use your big ole’ brain.” Mrs. DeGroot came by with a glass, smacking Demo with her cane as she went. She then tapped Soldier’s boot with it, finding his exact location on the couch and depositing a glass of liquor in his hand. “Now, before I even dare ask what you lads were talkin’ about before I came down here, lets get some introductions out o’ the way.”

She turned her head to Demo, glaring at him with unseeing eyes.

Demo coughed. “Well, Mum, this is Soldier. He’s my co-worker from RED.”

“Co-worker! Ha,” Mrs. DeGroot barked. “You dunnae _have_ any co-workers. It’s been a month, Tavish! You need a job tae have co-workers, and Lord knows your lazy arse hasnae done a single thing since you got fired.”

“Fine,” Demo responded, obviously annoyed, “ _former_ co-worker.”

“Dunnae try tae change the subject!”

Soldier watched as the pair continued to bicker for a few more minutes. After awhile, realizing he’d been forgotten, he gave a small cough to get their attention. They continued their squabble. He tried another fake cough, but it suddenly turned into a real one as he began to wheeze against the side of the couch . The DeGroots turned on him.

When he stopped hemming, he sat up a little straighter. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Degroot,” he said, voice still a little raspy. “Thank you for welcoming me into your home.”

He held out his hand,putting on his best _I am not a threat_ smile. It fell after a few seconds when he realized he had just tried to shake hands with a blind woman. He put his hands politely on his lap.

Mrs. DeGroot looked at him for a few seconds, as though sizing him up. That wasn’t the case obviously, but it sure felt like it.

“At least he’s polite,” she said finally.

Tavish sighed. It was the most he could hope for. “Well, I’m glad you think so. Soldier’s goin’ tae be stayin’ with us for a while.”

Mrs. DeGroot’s face dropped into a snarl, and Soldier grimaced.

“What?” she demanded from her son. “Why on Earth would he be stayin’ here?”

“Soldier’s been goin’ through a rough patch,” Demo replied evenly, trying to keep his temper with her under control. “I’m helpin’ him get back on his feet.”

“You can barely keep yourself on your feet you lackadaisical fool!” she snapped. “What are you doin’ goin’ around promisin’ money you havenae even earned in over a month? Ach, you Da’s rollin’ in his grave so hard he might as well be another tumbleweed in this blighted desert.”

“We have plenty o’ money, Mum,” Demo insisted. Soldier was about to say something when Demo gave him a hard look. Demo continued, “and Soldier’s been with me through hell and high water. I owe him a couple of favors, and this is the least I can do.”

Mrs. DeGroot struggled to find an argument for a moment. It’s been like this with her son for a while now, but only in the past month had their fights become so venomous. Eventually, she relented, but only because a debt to repay is something not even she could ignore.

“Alright,” she allowed, “I’ll give my bloody blessin’ tae let him mooch off us for a little while, but,” she warned, “if this loafer doesn’t get a job by Halloween, I’m tossin’ him out of this house myself.” With that, she headed back up toward her room, but not before giving Soldier one last farewell. “And it was nice tae meet you, young man. Tavish will help you with your things.”

She left the two ex-mercenaries much as she had found them: awkward, and failing to make eye contact.

Eventually, when he was sure she was gone, Soldier managed to joke, “ _young_ man?”

“Ah, everyone’s young to her, lad.”

Soldier finished his malted liquor, and stared at Demo thoughtfully. “That does put me on a time limit, though. A little more than a month until Halloween. Oh, and I suppose I should be calling you Tavish, then? While I’m here, that is.”

Tavish stood with a chuckle, walking over to where Soldier was. “Aye. I should re-introduce meself, then. Tavish DeGroot, at your service.” He extended a hand.

Soldier rose as well, and accepted it warmly. “Jane Doe. Pleasure to be rooming with you.”

They smiled at each other fondly for a while. The touch was strong and familiar, something they had both been missing in the last month. Tavish noticed how good it felt, and quickly ended contact at the realization. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“I can help you bring your stuff in, then,” he covered. “Assuming you brought some of it with you.”

Jane frowned, once again hurt by the sudden disconnect. He shook his head. “It’s just the one box, same one I’ve been living in for the past two days. I left it by the road.”

Tavish smiled sadly. “Well, then let’s go bring it in. I can show you to your room after that.”

The two of them walked to the door, careful not to brush shoulders on the way out.


	2. This Chapter Brought to You by the Dixie Chicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving to any of my american readers! my special gift to you:

You do not know hell until you’ve woken up at 6am to Reveille played on the bugle by a 50-something American man who has never taken an instrumental lesson in his life and thinks Taps is high art. Tavish practically fell out of bed when the bugle sounded right out his second story window. Dimly, he thought he might have gone half-deaf as well as half-blind. Once he managed to stumble to his feet, he stuck his head out of the window to give Jane a good verbal lashing.

Only the former Soldier was nowhere in sight, the Reveille long since faded. Tavish growled and pulled himself back inside.

He stumbled into the kitchen, pulling on a clean shirt and rubbing sleep from his eye. Mrs. DeGroot was already up, sitting at the breakfast table and having her morning tea.

“Well,” she noted, observing his disheveled appearance. “Then I suppose there’s one good thing ‘bout havin’ that boy around: you’re finally up at a decent time.”

“You call this a decent time tae be woken up by trumpet music?” he snarled.

“I do,” she countered. “No more o’ this sleepin’ ‘til ten business. And, for your information, I was up an hour ago, makin’ meself some tea.”

Tavish blinked blearily at the cup in her hands. “What are doin’ goin’ down the stairs by yourself, anways.”

“I am a grown ass woman, Tavish, and I dunnae need you escortin’ me in my own home. Now go out there and join your friend for some warm-ups.”

Tavish grumbled, wandering outside and not really processing her words. What did she mean by warm-ups?

He needn’t have wondered. When he got out to the yard beyond the back garden, Jane was already in the middle of his 28th push-up.

“What in the Lord’s name are you doing playin’ the trumpet outside my window? It’s barely even light yet!”

Jane looked up from his pushup; sweat dripping down his un-helmeted brow, falling past his intensely blue eyes. Tavish felt something knot in the back of his throat. He thought of how beautiful Jane looked without his helmet, and, now combined with the powerfulness of his exertion, it was a little too much to handle.

“It’s not a trumpet,” Jane said from his spot on the ground. “It’s a bugle.”

“It can be the hyperbass flute for all I care! What are you doin’ playin’ it at five in the morning?”

“I always do,” Jane protested. “I have for as long as you’ve known me. It’s mostly just on the other side of the base, near the yard. Besides,” he added, standing and dusting off his hands, “Mum said it was okay.”

Tavish balked for a moment. “ _Mum?_ ”

“Yeah, she told me to call her that. So,” Jane said with a smirk and a cock of his eyebrow, “you going to keep asking me questions, or are you going to join me for some drills? Looks like you have a little baby fat you might want to work off.”

It was amazing how quickly they could fall back into their old banter. Tavish growled, stretching before trying to join Jane. Like he was going to be outshone by his own houseguest. Damn Jane for always knowing how to get the best of him.

“It’s not _baby fat_. I got nothin’ tae be ashamed o’.”

“I didn’t say you did,” Jane shrugged. “I think it looks good on you.”

Tavish hesitated. Jane was doing it again. That thing he always did when he said complements too genuinely. It had always made Tavish feel strange; he wasn’t used to getting praise, even from a partner. He chose to ignore the statement.

Jane felt his stomach drop when Tavish turned away to begin his own push-ups. He didn’t know where he stood with Tavish currently, but the last thing he wanted to do was impede on his friend’s hospitality. He’d have to keep the undiluted fawning to a minimum.

But, as he lay stomach pressed to the hard desert ground, Jane couldn’t help but doubt his self-control. How could he stop his admiration when Tavish was just so damn beautiful?

* * *

Jane coughed a little, the jerking motion interrupting his crunches. Then Jane coughed a lot. Then he had to roll over onto his side, the tickle in his throat becoming a full-fledged hack, erupting into pain throughout his chest. Tavish rushed over to him, where he spasmed on the ground for a few moments.

Eventually, the coughing slowed, and a few faint wheezes later, he was able to come to a sitting position. Tavish was right next to him, one large hand on his back, supporting him slightly.

“Are you alright, lad?” Tavish asked, concerned. His other hand was Jane’s shoulder keeping him from trying stand up.

“’M fine,” Jane panted, the threat of panic ebbing away. He took a few breaths through his nose, managing to hold his coughs every few seconds.

“What the hell was that?” Tavish demanded. “Are you sick? You should have told me that first! We should get you to a hospital.”

“I’m not going to a hospital for a cold!” Jane snapped, but the sudden yelling threw him into another fit.

“That sounds worse than a cold.”

Jane looked away. He hadn’t even been able to go a day without Tavish catching on that something more was wrong with him. Dammit. He must look pretty pitiful, the way Tavish was looking at him.

“’M fine,” Jane repeated. “Let me get up.”

Tavish slid back slightly, and Jane got to his feet. He was pissed his morning drills had been interrupted yet again by the cold, but there was nothing else to do unless he wanted to risk another incident. He went back inside.

Mrs. DeGroot was still there, her tea nearly finished. She turned her head when Jane entered.

“You’re a miracle worker you are,” she noted. “Gettin’ me boy off his lazy bum and out for some exercise.”

Jane reached for the pot of coffee that was still slightly warm. “You should join us!” he enthused. “Morning drills keep morale up and the body-”

The sudden burst of shouting irritated his throat, and gave him another round of coughs. He put the pot back down, the coffee sloshing dangerously against the sides.

She stared at him, unimpressed. “Your healthy livin’ speech isn’t goin’ tae convince no one if you hack up a storm in the middle o’ me kitchen.” She rose, putting her empty teacup in the sink. “If Tav asks where I went, tell him I’ve gone to the farmer’s market. And, if he gives you any trouble about you trouble, tell him I’ll be with Ruthie.”

“ _Are_ you going to be with Ruthie?”

“No,” Mrs. DeGroot said, and put on her hat. “Goodbye Jane. Talk with you tonight.”

With that she left the kitchen, and Jane faintly heard the front door open and close with her exit. He sighed.

The relief was brief, because Tavish came in a moment later, sweating from the set he had finished. “Hey. Where’s Mum gone?”

“Uhhh…” Jane said, already warm from being under the spot. “She went to the farmer’s market?”

Tavish narrowed his eye. “Alone?”

“Uh, no. She went with…Ruthie.”

Tavish shook his head. “You’re a terrible liar, Jane.”

Slouching his shoulders, Jane said, “I know.”

“That woman has no sense of self preservation. She’s probably _walkin’_ there, in the desert heat.” Tavish began pulling things out of the fridge to make himself some breakfast. His complaints ignored the fact that it was still seven in the morning and Mrs. DeGroot would be fine in the cool early temperature.

Jane sat where Mrs. DeGroot had been, sipping his coffee carefully. He made a non-committal grunt.

“Somethin’ the both of you have in common, it looks like,” Tavish added as he fried up something potato-like. “Why dinnae you tell me you were sick?”

Jane fiddled with his mug. “I am not sick.”

“Jane…” Tavish warned.

Jane sighed. “The coughing stared a week after the end of the war. I thought it would go away, but it didn’t. The castle has always been drafty, and I try to keep it clean but the recruits are hard to pick up after. And then of course Medic wasn’t there to make it leave.” He felt shame well up in his chest. “It just…wasn’t something I wanted to say right when we first saw each other again. I didn’t want you thinking I was…someone who needed to be taken care of.”

“Everyone needs to be taken care of, Jane.” Tavish was looking at him with deep concern, and maybe something more.

Jane felt like there was some greater meaning to that statement, but he had no idea what it was. He grunted.

Tavish sighed, guessing he wasn’t going to get anything more from his friend. “Well, in that case, hopefully you’ll be back on your feet soon enough; today, we’re gettin’ you a job.”

“What?” Jane stuttered, eyes widening. “How?”

“I’ll take you tae the quarry with me,” Tavish explained. “They’re real casual there. If I put in a good word, they’ll find somethin’ for you to do.”

“But…?” Now Jane was really confused. “I thought your Mum said you didn’t have a job.”

Tavish rolled his eye. “I do, but she doesnae consider it a _real_ job because it’s nae demolitions related. I work with the acids ‘n chemicals for weakening the extra hard rock, instead o’ blowin’ stuff up. It’s nae the most rewardin’, but it keeps me occupied.”

Jane nodded solemnly. It seemed a little too good to be true, that Tavish could get him a job just like that.

“That sounds great,” he said weakly. “When do we start?”

“We leave in twenty minutes. So get your helmet on and start your laces, we got some bloody rocks tae dig!”

* * *

Tavish introduced Jane to Earl. Earl had a mustache that was trying to eat his nostrils and smelled of toenail growth. When Tavish pulled Jane up beside him, he gave Earl a grin, and slapped Jane on the back a little harder than necessary.

Jane tried to give his best Professional Smile, the one that he used at the supermarket so people wouldn’t question why he had filled a shopping cart entirely with sour cream. Jane knew he was bad with people, but usually he didn’t care. However, this situation required a little finesse, so he was content to let Tavish take the lead.

“This is Jane, he’s an old co-workers from Reliable Excavation and Demolition. He was one of the best too, always gettin’ incentives from our superior.”

Even though it was true, (though not in the way Earl thought) and Tavish was playing it up to try and land Jane a job, it still sounded like gushing to his ears. The tightness Tavish held him, combined with the praise he continued to spill out, made Jane blush. He hoped that made him look humble instead of like an idiot.

Earl eyed him for a long time over his salt-and-pepper mustache. The mention of RED seemed to strike a nerve with him, though he probably couldn’t say why if you asked him. Tavish’s glowing review did little compared to the reputation of their former employer.

Finally, Earl held up a hand. “I get it, I get it. Jesus DeGroot, you can talk a man’s ear off just about the weather.”

“Does that mean I’ve convinced you?” Tavish grinned.

“Yes! Fine! He’s in. But any crap by the new guy comes down on your head.”

Jane watched Earl waddle off, the assault on his olfactory senses mercifully over.

“So…” Jane searched, looking at Tavish, “I got the job?”

“Boy did you. C’mon, I’ll show you where you’ll be workin’.”

“I won’t be with you?”  
A grin remained frozen on Tavish’s face. “Ah…no. You’ll be in the main area, where they’re liftin’ the palets back tae the top. I’m over on the other side, makin’ sure none of these guys kill themselves.”

Jane wasn’t exactly sure what Tavish meant by that. “Can I work one of the cranes?”

“Those take months of trainin’ tae learn, lad.”

“Oh,” Jane replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “I just thought we would be working together is all.”

Nostalgia is what it was. He wanted to go back to when they fought side-by-side, Tavish being the only person he’d ever felt truly in sync with. But, when he stepped into the main part of the quarry, it was clear how different this place was. He’d be joining the drudge moving rocks to the elevators; Tavish would be running safety inspections.

Tavish saw the shift in Jane’s mood. He brought a hand over his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

“Hey, we’ll still see each other, alright?” he assured. “I’ll come find you for lunch. How’s that sound?”

Jane perked, and the hand on his shoulder was only half of it. He heartily agreed to meet Tavish at lunch, and went to join the other laborers.

* * *

Tavish examined the acid sample, watching its effect on a chunk of limestone through darkened goggles. It fizzled slowly, working at approximately three centimeters per hour.

God it was dull.

Finally, after what felt like years, the lunch bell sounded across the quarry. Workers put down their equipment, powered off their tools, and headed off for their only break in a twelve-hour shift.

It was easy to find Jane; he was the only one who had no idea what was happening in the sea of people. Tavish took his arm and gently guided him a long, up to the street level and eventually stopping at a sandwich shop where a lot of the workers took lunch.

“So how is it so far?” Tavish asked him over his pulled pork.

Jane fussed with his own sandwich. “Okay. It’s good to be doing something again. I just wish…”

“Wish what?” Tavish prompted, though he thought he knew the answer.

“…Wish I could be fighting again,” Jane admitted. He looked up at Tavish with his sad blue eyes that were so vivid with his helmet pushed up. “It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at, you know that.”

“Oh, I can think o’ a couple o’ other things you’re good at, lad.”

Jane stared blankly at Tavish for a couple of seconds, before giving a small chuckle. “Thanks, Demo. I’m in a lot better place than when you hit me with that last time, though.” His smile was sad for some reason, thinking back on days gone by. Tavish let him reminisce for a moment, wishing he knew what to say to make Jane feel better.

Eventually they finished their sandwiches and headed back down into the quarry. Tavish couldn’t stop thinking about the look in Jane’s eyes when he brought up that night. It was depressing; something was definitely wrong with his friend, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk about it. As Tavish continued to make sure the limestone was dissolving at the appropriate rate, he looked around the grey hole that had become his place of work. Although Jane was here, it was still boring as hell, certainly not the sort of vocation he’d hoped to spend his last earning years. Even as he contemplated taking a break to check on Jane, he heard a loud crash coming from the other side of the quarry.

And not just a crash, but shouting and the sound of tearing metal. Dozens of heads turned at once, looking at each other nervously in the confusion. Nobody moved until a CRACK prompted everyone to action. Tavish got up with the rest of them, sprinting off to whatever the hell had just happened.

It was Jane. Of course it was Jane. Who else could have accidentally caused so much damage to company property in a matter of hours after being hired?

Earl was already there, screaming up a storm at both Jane and a twisted pile of metal that used to be a crane. Jane seemed to be shrinking in on himself; the choleric man with the fiery temper Tavish used to know barely reared his head. There were empty cases of dynamite about **,** Jane evidently believing that more explosives would speed up the process. Tavish stepped forward.

“What’s goin’ on here?” he asked, with all the confidence of a man who didn’t know this would end in disaster.

Earl was so mad he could barely form words. “You,” he replied, pointing one of his sausage fingers at Tavish. “You’re gone. You’re both gone.”

Well. That was certainly an unceremonious way to put it. Tavish considered his option for a few seconds. There was no doubt that Earl was pissed, and the crane was monumentally expensive to fix, let alone replace. No, it seemed like even Tavish’s silver tongue wasn’t going to save this one.

“C’mon, Jane,” he said, and his friend obeyed, following him past a field of onlookers. They were lucky to beat a hasty retreat without Earl deciding to press charges.

The ride back to the mansion was suffocating.

“I was just trying to help-”

“I dunnae want tae hear it,” Tavish snapped.

He knew what Jane would tell him. Jane always had the best intentions, but they didn’t say hell was paved with those for nothing. Or, the road to unemployment as the case may be. He wasn’t in the mood to chastise him, or be the adult here. He just wanted to be mad. The sand rushed past them, the car speeding down the lonely road to the outskirts.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Eventually, Jane tried again.

“I’m sorry I lost you your job, Demo.”

“Yeah, well, I’m used to it,” Tavish growled.

It was unfair, Jane hadn’t been the one to make Tavish leave RED. But it still felt like a perfectly bitter thing to say, so he said it anyway.

Jane looked down at his hands. “I understand if…I’ll pack up my stuff when we get back.”

“Dunnae give me that,” Tavish snarled.

“What?” Jane said, surprised by the genuine pain in his voice.

“Dunnae try tae guilt _me_ over this.”

“That’s not what I was-”

“Well it certainly feels like it.”

More silence. The badlands rolled by, endless desert with the occasional hoodoo standing proudly against the backdrop.

Tavish let out a breath. “Just because I’m pissed at you doesnae mean I’m going to throw you out onto the street. I’m not that heartless. And I dunnae like you thinkin’ I am.”

“I don’t think you’re heartless, Demo,” Jane insisted. “It just seems like…God. This is what it’s been like for the past month. Every time someone gives me a second chance I screw it up.”

Jane rarely admitted his own shortcomings, even to Tavish. The mood in the care soften somewhat as Jane looked down at his hands.

“Well, you just gotta keep tryin’, lad,” Tavish assured. “But you cannae do that if you’re homeless. You can stay with us for as long as you like.”

Jane looked over at him, shocked. “But Mum said…”

“Mum said if you dunnae get a job by Halloween she’d kick you out. But technically, you _did_ get a job by Halloween. So, you’ve already filled your end of the bargain.” Tavish managed a grin, laughing a little at Jane’s dumbfounded expression. “I think you’re forgettin’ that I own the house, Jane. And no way in hell am I throwin’ my best mate out for the wolves.”

Jane smiled, moisture forming at the corners of his eyes. “Thank you, Demo.”

“And you’re callin’ me ‘Tavish’, remember?”

“Right,” Jane beamed. “Thank you, Tavish.” He looked like he wanted to give more thank yous, but he suddenly burst into a fit of unannounced coughing. Tavish slid along his hand along Jane’s back, doing what he could to sooth the hacking. It seemed to help, and they drove the rest of the way home with Tavish’s hand resting there.

As soon they got back, Tavish got on the phone with his mother.

“I dunnae _care_ , I’m comin’ tae get you- Hello? Mum? Hello?” Tavish growled, and slammed the receiver down. “Damn that woman.”

He plopped on the couch next to Jane, rubbing his temples irritably.

“She left already?” Jane asked, trying not to worry Tavish with his tone.

“Yes,” Tavish confirmed, swallowing his anger. “That woman _insists_ she doesn’t need me, but…uhg. She’ll be fine, I guess.”

“Are you sure? It’s getting dark,” Jane pressed.

Tavish stared at him blankly until he felt appropriately uncomfortable. “Jane. She’s blind.”

“Oh,” Jane said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Right.”

Tavish leaned back on the couch, sighing as he did. Jane looked at him for a few moments, considering telling him everything would be alright. He probably already knew that, so Jane stared at him for other reasons.

This felt so relaxed: the two of them, sitting here, Tavish’s irritation fading. If it had only been a few months ago, Jane would have sidled up closer and wrapped an arm around Tavish’s middle. But it wasn’t, so he didn’t, and the two of them sat in exhausted silence until Jane tried to apologize once again. He didn’t get very far, a cough choking him, and making him lean over against his knees. Tavish didn’t even hesitate to reach over and rub his back again, the rasping slowing with each comforting pat. When he thought Jane was finished, Tavish pulled him in tight, the exact contact Jane was afraid of making a moment ago. He sighed into Tavish’s shoulder.

“So,” Tavish began after a minute of silence. “There’s something else that’s been eatin’ you, hasnae there?”

Jane hesitated. He felt he wasn’t smart enough for this, all this social nuance of a relationship. He missed when things were simple, when they said what they meant and actions were taken at face value. Even though they were lying dreamily against each other like they had so many times at base, Jane still felt like there was wall between them.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he supplied.

“Alright, I won’t push. But if you need tae talk about it, I’ll be right here.”

Jane could usually rely on Tavish to be just as oblivious as himself when it came to social cues. The Scotsman might be a snake charmer, but some things went right over his head. This was not one of those things.

Jane sighed. He could at least give out a half-truth. “Lieutenant Bites died.”

“What?” Tavish leaned back, trying to look Jane in the eye. “When?”

“About a week after we got fired,” Jane said, looking down mournfully. “I don’t know how long raccoons live but…well. I tried to give him the best life possible. And he has lots of little Lieutenants running around, so it’s not like his like his legacy is gone. But I still…I still miss him. It was really hard, losing him so soon after losing you.”

Tavish brought him in close again, a proper hug instead of the gentle lean they had before. Jane returned it. He hadn’t realized how much Bite’s death had been weighing him down until he had someone to share it with.

“I’m so sorry, Jane. He was a good raccoon, he was. The world’s a poorer place without him.”

“Thanks,” Jane breathed into his shoulder. “I’m glad there’s someone besides me to remember him.”

After a while of hugging, and several soothed coughing fits later, Jain raised his head to look at Tavish. Their faces were so close together, and Tavish had already done so much for him, surely that meant…

Jane pulled away at the last second, muttering another hurried apology.

Tavish blinked at the sudden change in subject. Jane was bright red now, embarrassed he had almost kissed Tavish. Tavish for his part, tried to hide the disappointment.

“Er…it’s no trouble,” Tavish replied, struggling to regain some composure.

“Yes, it is. I know how hard it is to find jobs after RED, and I went and blew it for you.”

They were once again sitting side-by-side instead of wrapped in each other. Jane felt anxiety mount in his chest, and wasn’t sure where it was even coming from now. It was the shame and the grief and the guilt all at once.

“No, really Jane,” Tavish insisted. “It’s fine. It’s nae like it’s the only job I got. I still bartend downtown every other night.”

“Really?” Jane asked, the beginnings of panic subsiding.

“Really. The only reason I had three in the first place was tae please me Mum.”

“But what about money?” Jane pressed. He didn’t know why he was trying to poke holes in this, but he felt like he needed to have some sort of blame fall on him. “This place has got to cost a fortune in property taxes.”

At that, Tavish chuckled. “Maybe. But unlike some people, I put away the majority of my money from when I was workin’. Life’s nae so hard when you have a Swiss bank account.”

Tavish gave Jane’s shoulder a light squeeze.

Jane couldn’t bring himself to believe it. He was such a screw up and yet…none of that really mattered to Tavish.

“Are you sure?” he asked one final time, reluctant to let it go.

“I’m sure,” Tavish told him.

Finally, Jane felt himself relax. Eventually they would have to pick themselves off the couch and make dinner once Mum came home, but for now, they rested. It had been an awful day, but as they say, there’s often nowhere to go but up.


	3. I Warned You About the Stairs Bro

As the weeks went by, the household adjusted to its new guest. Tavish found that the more drills he did the better he felt, even if waking up at the crack of dawn was a sharp pain in the ass. Most days were spent around the house, but occasionally the three of them would drive into the city to look for jobs.

Mum’s rage had eventually blown over, she and Tavish doing nothing but argue for the first few days. Jane had wanted to take the blame, but Tavish hadn’t let him. “Contrary tae what she thinks, me gettin’ fired won’t kill her.” And that was that. Sure she was angry, but after several trips into town Tavish convinced her he was committed to finding another one. The hypocrisy of her not considering it a “real job” in the first place was lost.

She and Jane seemed to be getting along rather well, considering. The realization made Tavish feel strangely happy, but it shouldn’t have been unexpected; they complemented each other well. Mrs. DeGroot and her son were too much alike to live a harmonious life, but Jane seemed to enjoy getting bossed around, and Mum was glad he didn’t try to micromanage her.

All in all, seeing them bustle about each other gave Tavish a tingling in his stomach. Things would have been perfect.

If only Jane weren’t getting sicker.

No matter how often Tavish insisted that Jane should at least get a checkup somewhere, Jane would wave him off, claiming doctors were the reason America was overrun with lactose intolerance. Even when Tavish pointed out that Jane had no problem with Medic, Jane replied that Medic had never asked him to take off his pants.

But despite unending determination, even he couldn’t remain exempt forever.

It was morning, Jane and Tavish heading downstairs for their early morning routine. Tavish had eventually convinced Jane that the Reveille wasn’t necessary, making the drills far more relaxing. Although they didn’t have any neighbors to annoy, the mercy on Tavish’s ears was worth it.

Another small blessing was that Tavish had been going down the stairs first. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have turned at the sound of Jane’s coughing. Before he could even ask if his friend was all right, the hacking increased, Jane’s body spasming as he lost a hold on the rail. Tavish jumped forward immediately, clumsily catching him before he went tumbling down to the first floor.

Panic welled up inside. For a moment, he thought Jane might die right there, convulsing in his arms while he tried desperately to keep them both from slipping. Vaguely, he heard himself yell for his Mum, not even sure if she could do anything. He didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was that Jane was dying, right in front of him.

A little bit of blood flew from Jane’s mouth, and Tavish clutched him all the tighter. Finally, _finally_ , the coughing seemed to subside, leaving Jane lying limp and barely conscious.

“What is all this racket that’s goin’ on?” Mrs. DeGroot demanded, appearing at the top of the steps.

“He’s bad, Mum, he’s real bad,” Tavish stammered. “We need to…we need to get him to the hospital…”

He didn’t feel in control anymore. Instead, he was a kid again, in way over his head and begging his Mum to come and bail him out. Only this was more serious than stubbed toes and scabby knees; his only real friend left was barely breathing and there was nothing Tavish could do. His panicked mind briefly flashed to a respawn system long ago turned off, and a doctor back home in Germany. The only person he could rely on was standing half a flight above him.

She wasted no time. “Bring him up, Tavish. Quickly.”

Tavish obeyed, no room left in his mind to come up with a better plan. Jane semi-stood, moving his legs in a vague approximation of walking.

“’M not going to a hospital,” Jane managed to wheeze. “I’m f-”

“I you say you’re fine I am going to strap you tae the bed and force-feed you an entire bottle o’ aspirin.” The threat fell flat, Jane too disorientated to grasp the gravity of the situation.

Tavish shuffled Jane along to his room, not noticing Mrs. DeGroot had left them in his hurry. He gently helped Jane onto the bed, his mind running a mile a minute. Who knew what sort of diseases Jane could have picked up living with a bunch of wild animals? All this time Tavish had assumed it was just a cold, but blood from the mouth wasn’t a symptom of any common illness.

“Dunnae squirm so much,” he scolded. He had regained a little of his self control; his poor bedside manner imprinted from all his times sick as a child. Mrs. DeGroot didn’t believe in coddling.

Tavish wondered where she went, and propped a few pillows under Jane’s head to occupy himself.

“Sorry, Tavish,” Jane muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m always finding new ways to be a bother…”

“You shut your mouth,” Tavish grunted. “Nothin’ you do is a bother. The only bother is you thinkin’ you dunnae mean the world tae me.”

Jane tried to look at him, his eyes only half open. His skin so much paler, even when a few minutes ago he had been up and ready for drill. How much worse had it been getting over the past months?

Before Tavish could ask him, Mrs. DeGroot bustled back into the room.

“And where have you been?” he snapped.

“Dunnae take that tone with me, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot,” she shot back immediately. “Is that anyway tae speak tae your only Mum, the one who might drop dead any second because you dunnae appreciate her?”

“You’re nae the only one who might drop dead,” Tavish pointed out. “Where were you?”

“The garden,” she replied curtly. She dropped a few leaves on the table and pulled a mortar and pestle from within her bathrobe.

Tavish swallowed. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his Mum—she could tell the herbs apart than he could—but he had always found her medicine a bit…pseudo. Maybe it was hypocritical of him since he’d always taken her tales of monsters and magic at face value. And yet, the traditional potions and medicines she created always seemed a bit too good true, even for him.

He didn’t say anything though, merely observed her work warily. Jane was watching her too, and despite the glazed quality of his eyes, there was a bit of apprehension in them. Without even thinking, Tavish crossed over to the other side of the bed and knelt on the floor, eye level with Jane. He took Jane’s hand in both of his own and gave it a light squeeze.

Mrs. DeGroot carefully ground her ingredients, the aroma wafting though the room and making Tavish gag. Jane did too, which sent him though another bought of coughs. By the time it passed, Mum was done with her mixture.

“Here, chew this,” she said, handing him a ball of green mush. Her tone said that if he refused the glob, he wouldn’t live to regret it. Jane popped the mixture in his mouth.

He managed to get it down, despite his gag reflex doing his damnedest to kill him. He was rewarded with another round of coughs, and Tavish knew the juices must have been stinging his throat. Before it was through, Mrs. DeGroot had disappeared out the door.

“What was…?” Jane muttered. He made a sour face.

“Just…trust her on this,” Tavish supplied unhelpfully. “She knows a bit about old herbalism, passed down from her mother tae her.”

Jane feebly wiped the green acid from the corners of his mouth. “It’s not some hippie ‘alternative medicine,’ is it? If I find flower crowns growing out my head in the morning I’ll…”

“You’ll what? Cough her tae death?” Tavish joked lightly.

Jane smiled, and Mrs. DeGroot arrived back in Jane’s room. Tavish wondered how the hell she got from place to place so quickly when she didn’t even have her cane.

“Here. Drink,” she said, depositing a mug of brown liquid in Jane’s free hand.

“What is this?” Jane demanded, eyeing it suspiciously. “Some sort of Beatnik fruit juice? Do not try to play _me_ , sister!”

“That’s _Mum_ , tae you, you ungrateful yank. Nae only ungrateful, but a fool too if you cannae tell hot tea when you see it.”

Jane looked down at his mug. “Oh.”

Mrs. DeGroot shook her head, her back sunglasses somehow glaring at him. She then seemed to look directly at Tavish at his place on the floor.

Tavish swallowed. She gave another shake of her head and walked out, giving the distinct impression she had known Tavish was holding Jane’s hand. He pushed the thoughts away. That was impossible, and it didn’t mean anything even if she had. He gently rested his forehead against their hands.

Jane gingerly sipped his tea for several minutes, his eyelids beginning to droop despite the early morning. Light flitted in from the window, brightening the steam that rose from his mug.

“Tavish,” he began thoughtfully, “if I die, do you think I’ll get to see the Lieutenant again?”

“You’re nae goin’ tae die, mate,” Tavish reassured. Sure, in a moment of panic on the stairs Tavish may have thought the same, but the sensation had passed. He may have been a scared child then, but Mum had come to the rescue. “You’re in safe hands.”

“I know,” Jane admitted. “But still.” He took another long sip. “Do you think…raccoons go to heaven?”

A smile tugged at Tavish’s face. He gently let his lips brush against their intertwined hands, caring very little for boundaries in the current moment. Who cared? _Honestly, who cared?_ It was something he wanted to do, and so he did.

“I think they do,” he hummed. “But, even if nae, I think they would have made some exceptions for the Lieutenant.”

Jane smiled at him. He set his mug down and gently squeezed Tavish’s hands.

“Thanks, Tav,” he smiled.

Tavish stayed there until Jane had drifted off. It was bright by then, the new day in its real throes. Standing, he stretched, realizing he probably had shit to get done now that the crisis was over. Before he left, he placed a kiss on Jane’s forehead.

“Get better soon, alright luv?” He closed the door.

* * *

In the weeks that followed, Tavish expected his mother’s complaining to get worse, since not only could Jane not look for a job in his state, but he now needed special accommodations as well. However, it seemed to have the opposite affect on her. She was strangely active, bustling about the house, to and from the garden, and overall being a terrible busybody. She wouldn’t let Tavish help her, and that meant she was enjoying herself.

Even though Mrs. DeGroot wouldn’t let him near any of the herbs (perhaps she sensed his skepticism), he still spent a lot of time tutting over Jane. Not that he would ever admit to being worried, but spending his free time in Jane’s room just seemed like the right thing to do.

The bedroom was sparse, Jane having brought almost no personal affects with him when he moved in. In fact, he still wore the same uniform from when he worked at RED, rotating which identical set he donned each day. The fabric had begun to wear thin, and the would be no way to replace them in the foreseeable future.

Jane, for his part, was more incurably bored than scared.

Sure it had been terrifying taking the first slip down the steps, but now that that was over he didn’t feel particularly worried. That had always been a problem for him: he never really thought about the future, whether to worry or to be excited. He lived primarily in the present, and although that meant he rarely planned ahead, it also meant he was free from a lot of the uncertainties that plagued other people.

The only thing that annoyed him currently was that there was nothing to _do_.

Tavish would sometimes bring in checkers, but Jane never had the patience. (God forbid Tavish try the old chessboard.) They could sometimes get away with cards, but even that was dull and repetitive. The only nice thing was how much Tavish seemed to care, and go out of his way to spend time with Jane.

It couldn’t last, though. Eventually, Tavish started going in to town again, and leaving Jane behind. What was boredom turned into crushing monotony, broken only when Jane occasionally tried to read the books Tavish had left him.

He wanted to go out, stretch his legs, do some drills, but the coughing prevented all that. Sitting in bed was the price he paid for not being shipped off to a hospital, and he knew what sort of things could happen to him there. Doctors liked to ask questions. Medic had been different, he didn’t care how good your memory was or if you had difficulty reading or if you were prone to sudden actions; he only cared if you sat still long enough to get a second stomach stitched in you. But real doctors did, and they would. Jane knew he couldn’t risk going in there.

So, he puttered in his room, his only steady companion Mrs. DeGroot when she came to give him the green stuff.

Well…better than nothing, right?

“Where did you learn how to make this stuff anyway?”

Mrs. DeGroot finished mixing the stuff and frowned at him.

He had meant it as a real question, but had ended up barking it like some sort of accusation. He grimaced.

“Me mum taught me, and her mum before her.” Her voice was icy.

Damn, he always did that. Even when he was just trying to be friendly it came off as gruff and irritable. Only Tavish never seemed to mind his apparent roughness.

“That sounds nice,” Jane tried again, trying to start up a real conversation before she just put his tea down and left. “Having a whole family history, I mean.”

“Ha!” The suddenness of her laugh startled him. “That’s nae family history, lad. That barely scratches the surface. The DeGroot’s have traditions in armaments, beard cuttin’, wiffle ball, you name it.”

“I know,” Jane said. It was hard to forget how deep the lineage was when the whole house practically screamed it at him. “But that’s Tavish’s dad’s side. This is something from you.”

Mrs. DeGroot froze, and Jane immediately felt like he had done something wrong.

She turned to him, something akin to a snarl on her lips. “I’m a DeGroot, through n’ through, and I dunnae appreciate some flotsam from the back porch tellin’ me otherwise.”

“What?” Jane blinked hard, not sure what was happening the words were flying by so fast. “I don’t know what…”

“Nevermind,” she replied, leaving the medicine on the bedside table. He could take it on his own, but she usually stayed make sure he had the whole thing. Now she stormed off, leaving the room significantly colder than when she entered.

Jane was scared to start up a conversation with her again. He didn’t mention their little spat when Tavish came home, or any of the times they talked after that. He didn’t want Tavish to think he and Mrs. DeGroot didn’t get along with or something.

He remembered how long it had taken his team to figure out that he had an odd way of telling people he cared. Maybe now he just needed to try a bit harder? It took a few days, but he worked up the nerve to talk to her again.

“I didn’t mean to say you’re not a DeGroot, ma’am.”

“Dunnae talk with your mouth full,” she replied acridly.

Jane obediently shut his face and finished chewing. The stuff went down like motor oil, but he always did feel a little better after having some. He carefully licked the corner of lips before speaking again.

“I just meant that you bring your own heritage.” He fiddled with the edge of the blanket. “I don’t really have anything like that. I never had a family for more than a few months, and I was just trying to say that I think the fact that Tavish has it from both sides is very lucky.”

If Jane didn’t know any better, he would say something in Mum’s expression softened.

“I ken you dinnae mean any harm, lad,” she admitted finally. “You never seem tae.”

Jane smiled as the lack of harshness in her voice. She handed him the cup of tea that came along with the bitter medicine. Sour then sweet. That was always the way with these things.

He drank; glad for the relief it brought to his throat. He didn’t want to waste the moment though, and tried to carry on the conversation. “Do people tell you you’re not a DeGroot or something? Because that’s cowardly of them. The least they can do is come up with a proper insult relating to fighting methods or body proportions.”

Mrs. DeGroot made a face. “Nae, _people_ Jane, but certainly a person.” She thought for a moment, and then sat herself down in the room’s only chair. “The original Mrs. DeGroot tae be exact.” When Jane only gave her a look of confusion, she clarified. “Me mother-in-law. Rabbie’s mum.”

“Rabbie was…your husband?”

“Aye. That he was.” A faint smile crossed Mrs. DeGroot’s lip. “His Mum dinnae approve o’ me one bit. Thought Rabbie was marryin’ down, that capricious old tart. I had tae earn me own dowry, blew up sixteen English frigate’s just tae scrap enough together and meet her ridiculous standards. And even then she never let me live down how much better of a demowoman she was when she was half my age. Even after we got married she could barely stand tae be in the room with me without lamentin’ how all her grandkids were goin’ tae be soft in the skull. Bless that Tavish never had tae meet her.”

Jane swallowed. He’d never heard Mrs. DeGroot open up about much of anything, let alone her own shortcomings. It’s amazing how much you learn about someone once you’ve heard them talk shit.

“And she made it very clear I’d never be a true DeGroot, or one of the family. Rabbie always told me otherwise, made me feel like I belonged, but it still…”

Her face once again soured. Even though it wasn’t directed at Jane this time, he felt his stomach clench. Gingerly, he moved out of the bed, legs stiff from non-use, and padded over to where Mum sat forlornly. She didn’t tell him to get back in bed, or jerk her hand away when he placed his own over it, but let him give her a comforting pat.

“Of all the DeGroots I have met, you are the most DeGroot-y-est. You are the most experienced DeGroot in this entire country.”

“That’s because we’re nae in Scotland, lad.”

She frowned out into nothing. Jane couldn’t tell, but she was silently observing him, contemplating his each action.

Eventually, she asked, “What exactly do you want here, Jane?”

Jane didn’t really think about the answer to that question. He didn’t think that Mrs. DeGroot might be asking why he had come to her home, why he had made such attempts to talk with her. The only thing that jumped to Jane’s mind when asked what he wanted was, “I want to go outside.”

Mum sat in stunned silence for a second before her mouth opened into an uproarious laugh. She rose to her feet, still chuckling and letting Jane hold her hand. “Alright lad, if that’s what you really want.”

“What? Really?” Jane blinked. “I don’t have to stay in bed?”

“As long as I’m keepin’ an eye on you, you should be fine.” Jane opened his mouth. “And _nae_ snide eye comments.” Jane closed his mouth.

Barely believing his luck, he wobbled down the stairs, trailing behind his benefactor.

“Thank you. For everything,” he said sincerely.

“Ach, it’s no trouble. Though it is nice tae help someone else down this deathtrap for a change.”


	4. Walk Dogs 2

 

Ever so slowly, Jane felt his strength return. He didn’t know what the hell was in that awful paste Mum made him eat on a daily basis, but it seemed to be working its magic. He was allowed on walks in the garden and around the house under Mum’s careful supervision, and his lethargic body thanked him for it.

Eventually he could take walks around on his own, going to and from the nearest town unattended with Mum’s blessing. Tavish usually took the car during the day (he had already found himself another job during Jane’s illness) since the city where he worked was so much farther away. Jane knew he should be going with Tavish, but he couldn’t help enjoy his new friendship with Mrs. DeGroot. If only his _other_ housemate-relationship was less strained.

As he walked back from one his trips into town, he mulled over his few interactions with Tavish in the past weeks. He visited Jane often, sure, and they played games and talked and generally acted like best mates again, but it was always undercut with a feeling of anxiety. Tavish would brush hands with him, ever so casually while passing him the morning paper. They would relax on the couch, shoulders faintly touching during awful romantic movies Mum liked to listen to. It was so close, and yet so far.

It had been nearly two months since he had moved in, and Tavish had never said a thing about the elephant in the room. Jane knew he could feel it too, but it seemed to be hurting Jane a lot more than it hurt Tavish. Maybe he couldn’t see how miserable it made Jane…? But no, Tavish could always tell about feelings and shit like that. It was awful; Jane usually depended on _Tavish_ to be the one to talk about serious issues first, if Tav didn’t bring it up, no one would.

A dozen ways he could subtly force the issue came to his mind as he made the walk home, distracting him so much he walked directly into a dog.

The dog was attached to an owner, who was lucky Jane hadn’t run into him too.

“Whoa, whoa down Melon!” The dog walker was an older man, maybe even older than Mum. He had large glasses, and large poofy hair that matched his large poofy dog. “Careful, she jumps. Next time, watch where you’re goin-” Melon’s owner blinked, properly taking in Jane for the first time. “Sir? Are you alright?”

Jane shook himself out of his thoughts. He must look quite a sight: glassy eyed, walking on the wrong side of the street, and still wearing his helmet. He nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I like your dog.”

Usually he’d tell of any stranger that dared to bump into him, but he didn’t particularly feel like yelling right now, still hung up on images of Tavish.

The old man squinted at him, his eyes still incredibly magnified behind the glasses. “Oh. Ah…thank you. You can pet her if you like.”

Jane got on his knees to pet Melon, the pooch sitting obediently and thumping her tail at the attention. The man coughed, and Jane knew he was preparing to make small talk.

“So…” he began. “Do you…live around here?”

“Oh. Yeah.” That was an easy question. Jane pointed at the mansion just in view from where they stood.

“There?” The man scrunched his face. “Are you Tilly’s son or something? If so, you’re a lot different than I remember.”

“Tilly?” Jane puzzled. “Is that Mrs. DeGroot’s first name?”

“DeGroot!” The man snapped his fingers. “That’s it, couldn’t think of it. But yes, Tilly’s been a good one ever since she moved here.”

Jane took a few seconds to scratch behind Melon’s ears before answering. “I’m not her son, I just live with her and Tavish. He’s an old co-worker of mine.”

The man nodded sagely. “I see. Things must be pretty bad if they’re taking up renters now.”

Jane didn’t feel like correcting him, so he didn’t. Instead he ran his hands through Melon’s fur, relishing the feel. It reminded him of the way Lieutenant’s fur felt on the rare occasions he would let Jane pet him. Vaguely, Jane felt a shift in the conversation, and he knew that the man would be taking Melon away now that the small talk was over. Quickly, he stumbled to find a way to keep the exchange going.

“So how do you know Mum?” he blurted.

“Mum?” the man asked, confusion now knitted into his brow.

“Uh…I mean…Mrs. DeGroot.”

“Oh, yes.” If the man thought the name strange he didn’t press it. “Tilly comes down to the senior center every now and again, kicks all of our behinds at mahjong whenever she does. Good woman. Terrible sport.” The man chuckled at his own joke before realizing something. “Oh, I never told you my name. I’m Eustace.” He extended a hand.

Jane took one hand off of Melon to shake it, but didn’t stand. He wasn’t leaving this spot until absolutely necessary.

“But yes, if you’re living with the DeGroots now, you’ll probably be seeing quite a lot of me, unfortunately. My dog walker moved to Melbourne, and now I have to take Melon out for all her walks myself. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s necessary, but I’m not as young as I once was.”

Jane scrunched up his face. He didn’t know what a “dog walker” was, but it was probably one of these newfangled how improvement devices they were always trying to shove on him. The day he bought a “dishwasher” instead of washing his own dishes like a man was the day Lucifer wrote God a hand crafted apology note.

Eustace was still rambling. “And I’ve tried to find a new one, to at least take her out a few times a week, but they all just live so far. Always trying to gouge me on the prices.”

What might have been a mundane sentence to anyone else created a flicker of understanding ignite in Jane’s mind. Dog walker? Prices? Moving?

“Now wait just a stamp taxing minute,” Jane said, rising to his full height. “Are you telling me that you can get _paid_ to walk _dogs_?”

Eustace blinked for the umpteenth time at the strange man fate had delivered him. “Uh…yes?”

“That’s just…” Too good to be true. Jane’s head spun a mile a minute, this new information important enough to make him forget his petting duties. “I’ll do it!” he shouted, then quickly remembered to calm himself. “I’ll walk your dog. For you. And get paid.”

“Really?” Eustace raised his eyebrow. “That seems…a little too good to be true.”

“You’re telling me, buddy!”

Jane felt like he was going to rocket jump right out of his socks. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? He could make money and get to be with a bunch of dogs, and the best part: no one could fire him! He’d be his own boss.

“Just uh…” Jane fumbled, searching his pockets for a pen that didn’t exist. “You…you know Mum’s number right?” Eustace nodded dumbly. “Just uh, give me a call. On that. And we can talk about things, like prices, and when you want me to come and where I should go. All of that. Okay?”

“Alright,” Eustace replied. If Jane were in a calmer state, he might have admired the older man’s doggedness. “And who should I ask for?”

“Jane,” Jane reported.

Of all the things that had come out of Jane’s mouth, Eustace had become desensitized enough not to care. He nodded. “Alright, I’ll give you a call when I get home. Speak with you latter, Jane.”

“Goodbye, Eustace!” Jane didn’t wait for Eustace and Melon to leave, too excited not to run home immediately.

He couldn’t wait to tell Mum the good news.

* * *

The next few days Jane wouldn’t stop talking about his new “job.” After a few nudges in the arm from her son, Mum was prompted into compliance, agreeing that it was wonderful to hear that. After all, they didn’t want Jane’s good mood to disappear so soon. In short order, Jane had two customers under his belt, both elderly gentlemen from down the street. Maybe it wasn’t something to get all riled up over, but it was certainly two more sources of income he didn’t have before.

Mum began to take to it eventually, dolling out rather stiff encouragement and trying to hide her cynicism. A few days before he was due to start walking, she approached Jane directly.

“I need tae go intae town today. You’re comin’ with me.”

Jane blinked, setting down the pair of boots he had been polishing.

“Shouldn’t you go with Tav? He’s the one with the car.”

“I’m nae goin’ intae the city, you stooge,” she replied a little harsher than necessary. “I’m takin’ a walk tae town, and you’re goin’ tae escort me. That’s final, you hear?”

Jane knew better than to argue. He set down his boot and was immediately whisked away, Mum acting like she’d been waiting on him for hours. Firmly, she gripped his arm with one hand and her cane with the other, and they were off.

It was a pleasant evening; late fall not bringing the chill this far south. Jane had gotten used to the scorching summers and somewhat cool winters of New Mexico, but lamented at the loss of any trees in the area. They would certainly look beautiful this time of year.

“If you say so,” Mum mused.

Jane rubbed his free hand against his neck. “Oh, uh, sorry. I didn’t realize I was thinking out loud.”

“No trouble. Though if you’ve started, you might as well finish.”

Jane looked at her in confusion.

“Tell me about it, lad,” she explained. “Tell me what the view looks like.”

Jane blinked, not sure if this was some kind of trick. He looked around the scene, taking it all in. The desert dust tickled his nostrils and the sun shined warmly on his bare forearms, but those were all things Mum could tell for herself. She wanted him to be her eyes.

“Well, it’s pretty flat, at least over to the west. There are hoodoos here and there-”

“Speak English, Jane,” she berated. “I’m nae goin’ tae ken what somethin’ is unless you describe it to me.”

He was going to tell her that he didn’t speak English, only American, but thought better of it. He tried again. “Everywhere there are these…big piles of rock. They don’t look like they’ve been stacked or anything, they look like they’ve just been growing out of the ground, like big rocky fungus.” Mum hummed her approval. Jane kept going. “Back where we came there are a lot of cactuses. Or cacti. I don’t give a crap. Our house is really the only one with real American grass in this godless sandscape.”

Jane briefly wondered if Mum would react poorly to him calling it “our” house, but it didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest. In fact, a small smile seemed to be forming at the corner of her lips, but that must have been Jane’s imagination.

“The mountains are to the east,” he continued. “They’re really tall. They stretch up and you can’t see anything beyond them, just the sky. The sky’s so blue, you wouldn’t believe. Not a cloud anywhere. It’s…peaceful.”

He didn’t see anything more worth describing, and the walk continued quietly.

“Thank you, Jane,” Mum murmured finally. She seemed lost in thought, and it took another minute of silence before she spoke again. “When we were younger, Rabbie and I would go for walks after work.” The subject of her husband mad Jane stiffen, and he waited patiently for her to continue. “I lost my sight first, you ken. Granted, all good demomen lose theirs eventually, but I was blind for almost a decade before Rabbie lost his completely. We’d go out, walk the hills, and he’d tell me all the things I couldn’t see on me own.”

Mum sighed. Decades later, the memories stung, even the happy ones. She must have truly loved him.

“Of course, a little before we brought Tavish home, Rabbie lost his too. But we still went out, and he’d still describe for me the moors and plains and everythin’ in between. He had an imagination, he did. Would tell me there was a purple giraffe, just over yonder, lickin’ at the ground. He’d tell me there was a fairy ring, all them little girls chasin’ a donkey with a nail. He’d do it just tae make me laugh.” A genuine smile crossed Mum’s face, something Jane had never seen there before. “He was a good man, Rabbie. Fire and brimstone, but softer of heart than the lot of ‘em. Tavish would’ve done better tae take after him rather than me.”

“Now hold, sister,” Jane interrupted, sending a jolt of surprise through Mum. “I have known Tavish for years, and he is one of the most kind and compassionate people I have ever met. Don’t try to tell me he’s just some drunk who can’t hold his temper.” Soldier gulped, knowing she hadn’t exactly said that, but being used to having to defend his friend. He barreled on anyway, the point he was making on the tip of his tongue. “And you’re not exactly some heartless witch either, lady. You two have been kinder to me than I ever thought possible, and I will not stand here and let you give yourself any less credit than you deserve.”

She stared at him. Or at least, turned her head at him and frowned sternly. Jane waited in silence, letting her know that he had no more to say. They passed under the endless blue sky, the long stretch of silence making Jane think he had well and truly offended her.

Eventually, as the town came into view, she growled out, “That’s _Mum_ , tae you, laddie.”

It was irritated, but not unkind.


	5. Nervous Laughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is the Chapter Where They Bang)

The spent the rest of the day at the senior center, Mum introducing Jane to all of her batty old friends. The ladies tutted over him, the men shook his hand a little too firmly, and by the time they walked home, Jane had four new clients.

Tavish was waiting for them when they got back.

“Where the hell have you two been?” he demanded before they even got through the door.

“None o’ your business,” Mum replied while Jane still had his mouth open.

“It is my business! I was worried sick! You couldnae have at least left a note?”

She waved her hand dismissively. “It was just a walk intae town. I dunnae have tae tell you where I am every minute o’ my life, do I?”

She bustled past Tavish into the kitchen, ignoring his stuttered reply. Tavish followed her, Jane trailing behind the two and not sure what to make of himself.

“You cannae always do this tae me,” Tavish commanded, “you cannae keep leavin’ me in the dark and expect me tae be okay with it. What if somethin’ happened tae you two?”

“Two less things tae complain about, then,” Mum said, putting the kettle on.

Tavish was about to shoot back something bitter when Jane finally had the nerve to intervene. “It’s really okay, Tav. I was with her the whole time, and we didn’t go far.”

Tavish looked at him, struggling with whether or not he should let the incident slide. He actually might have, until Mrs. DeGroot chose to speak up.

“Listen tae the lad, Tav. Nothin’ would have happened.”

Something snapped. This wasn’t like any of their usual arguments, this was so much deeper. And it was because Tavish was well and truly terrified.

“ _Nothin’ would have happened_? Like in May, when _nothin’ happened_?”

Mum’s face scrunched, like she smelled some particularly awful animal droppings. Tavish was practically yelling, his voice rebating off the tile walls.

“Something happened in the spring?” Jane asked dumbly. He searched his mind for any point that someone had mentioned it to him.

Tavish looked at Jane coolly, and Mum didn’t look at either of them. The kettle began to whistle.

“Yes, _something happened_.” Tavish glared at Mrs. DeGroot. “Mum took a trip intae town on her own, dinnae even tell me. Fell intae a ditch and broke her leg. It took me _nine hours_ tae find her, and she nearly died on the side o’ that road because she cannae take five minutes out o’ her day tae tell her son where she’s goin’.”

“Well the way you been treatin’ me since then, I wish I _were_ dead!” Mum snapped. The kettle began to scream. “It’s like I’m nae even your mother tae you anymore, just some liability! I cannae even chew me own food without you tryin’ tae spit it down me throat!”

Tavish made a disgusted noise, but Mum cut him off before he could respond.

“And _you_ have nae reason tae treat _me_ like an invalid! Ever since you got fired, you’ve been one cream-filled donut away from bein’ a lotuseatin’ do-nothin who cannae see past his own waistline.”

“Now hold on just a minute,” Jane cut in to the surprise of them both. “Tavish is fine just the way he is. Him being fat has nothing to do with this.”

Tavish whirled on Jane, murder in his eye and venom in his voice. “Stay. Out. Of. This.”

Jane visibly shrank in on himself. He took a nervous step back. “Sorry,” he muttered, doing as Tavish commanded and fleeing the kitchen.

Tavish felt immediate guilt, watching Jane scurry away from the fight. He worried whether to run after him or not, but his mother had to get in a good scolding first.

“Now dunnae you go yellin’ at that poor boy,” Mum chided with all of her earlier malice. “He’s one o’ the only good things you still got from that Relatable Destination Exposition.”

“It’s ‘Reliable Excavation and Demolition’.” Tavish put a weary hand to his face. “And…I know. I know he’s only ever tryin’ tae help.”

“Hm,” Mum said, finally pulling the screeching kettle off the burner. “Dunnae have tae tell me that.”

The fight between them had sputtered to a halt, just like most of their arguments did. They were both two proud to compromise today, and they probably never would. But they had lived with each other for enough years to know that in the end things would probably carry on like always, no matter how much they bickered at each other.

“Yeah, yeah.” Tavish watched forlornly out the doorway, not looking as Mum poured her tea. “He’s just…he’s so important tae me, you know? I feel like I dunnae tell him that enough.”

“Hopefully nae too important,” Mum said as she took a sip. “Dunnae want people thinkin’ you’re poofs.”

Ice trickled down Tavish’s spine. He stood rooted to the spot, not sure if he should dare to look over his shoulder at his mother. Eventually he couldn’t take the suspense, and glanced out the corner of his eye.

She was sat at the table, teacup in hand, sipping quietly.

Some part of Tavish had awakened, one of his age old fears come to pass. But things were different now than when he’d first worried about this moment. If it had been back then—or hell, even just a few months ago—he would have beat a hasty retreat from the kitchen and scurried up to his room. But it wasn’t, and something in him wanted to stay. Maybe he was still on a contradictory high from their last argument, or the weeks of _who cares_ being beaten had been into his head, but he turned around and faced his mother.

“And would that be so bad if we were?”

She didn’t register the terror in his voice. Her expression remained subtly bored, intent on her drink.

“Ach, dunnae start with me, Tavish. I dunnae care what fairies get up to in their own time, but I sure as shite dunnae want folks thinkin’ my son’s a dandy.”

Tavish ground his teeth, the insult somehow solidifying his reserve.

“And why is that?”

She froze, moving her head toward the sound of his voice. She sat down her cup. “You ken damn well why.”

Tavish started at her in stony silence, his hands balled into fists.

There was a sneer on her face, frozen there as if her tea was particularly bitter. When she realized she wouldn’t get a response from her son, she asked, “is there something you’re tryin’ tae tell me here, Tavish?”

“I think you know the answer tae that.”

There. That was it. It was out in the open and Tavish didn’t intend on taking the words back. He knew he should have had this conversation a long time ago, but he had never had the nerve until now. Despite being as tenacious as a steel vault, it was something that scared him more than his own daily death.

But now he had done it. And, despite the fact that the consequences were about to unfurl themselves, he felt a small sense of relief.

Mum was still struggling with the knowledge. She twisted her cup, looking like she might break the handle right off. Her expression was clear enough, even without eyes to narrow in distaste.

“Well,” she said finally.

“Well?” Tavisk asked, wondering if there was more to the sentence.

“Well. That’s that I suppose.” She took a drink of her tea.

That wasn’t it, surely? It couldn’t be that she would just let something like this slide. Tavish made another noise of confusion.

She sighed, and put down her cup again. “Look Tavish, I’m nae goin’ tae pretend I’m happy. I never have. I dunnae ken exactly what happened for things tae go like this, but I do ken that some part of me isn’t surprised. Now that I’ve met him, it seems rather obvious.”

Tavish wasn’t sure if she was wondering where she had gone wrong or something else entirely, but he noticed how she didn’t seem mad at Jane. His mouth seemed to move of its own accord.

“Aye. I love him. He’s the best thing tae ever happen tae me.”

She nodded. “I suppose. Though, if he really is all that, then you should probably go after him.”

That was something he wasn’t at all expecting. He looked between her and the door.

She nodded again. “Go. I need some time tae think.”

As much as he hated leaving an argument half finished, he knew that Jane was out there somewhere, probably still hurt. He left without another word, leaving his mother alone in the dim kitchen and stepping into the night.

* * *

The yard was dark, dew already forming on the ground. Tavish knew Jane was here; he always had a penchant for the outdoors. This was his safe space, the open skies more comfortable to him than his own room. Tavish always looked for him in the training yard or outside the base when he knew his boyfriend was upset.

Or ex-boyfriend. Or still boyfriend? Or whatever they were now, Tavish had no idea. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was going to say to Jane when he found him, but leaving him alone was the worst thing he could do. No matter how mixed up their relationship had become, Tavish still had a duty to Jane to keep him from any unnecessary hurt.

Unsurprisingly, Jane wasn’t too hard to find. He was sitting in the grass under the oak tree, the dew point long ago passed, and the ground wet with the tiny droplets. Jane didn’t seem to notice, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head staring silently at the mountains beyond the mansion. When Tavish approached, he jerked, embarrassed to be found in such a pathetic position. He stumbled to stand, ignoring the wet stains in his pants.

“Sorry,” he said immediately. “I was just…”

“Dunnae apologize, lad,” Tavish reassured him. “I’m the one who should be apolgizin’. I shouldnae have snapped at you, I know you were only tryin’ tae help.”

Jane still shook his head. “No, I should know better than get between arguments between you and her. It never turns out well for anybody.”

Tavish signed. Leave it to Jane to spiral into a cycle of self-blame, even when his intentions were so good.

“No, Jane, please. Just let me say I’m sorry.” Tavish hesitated, everything he wanted to say trying to push its way out at once and become a jumbled mess. “And I need tae do some more apologizing than that. This whole time I’ve been…Jane I still…I love you.”

Jane’s eyes widened, and Tavish cringed at his own awkwardness. That had meant to be several different thoughts, but they were put together all wrong. Maybe Tavish had a “silver tongue,” but it apparently didn’t work on command.

“You still…” Jane repeated. “You…I can’t…I can’t keep guessing what you mean all the time Tavish!”

His last words came as a shout, something that seemed to surprise even him.

“What I mean?” Tavish balked. “Well I think _that one_ should be obvious, at least.”

Jane balled his fists, his stance becoming more defensive by the second. “It’s not just that! This whole time, I can’t tell anything at all what you’re feeling. I don’t know what we are! And I just feel so…”

Tavish felt the guilt hit him full force. He had known this was happening. He had known Jane’s feelings were conflicted, and he had hid behind that as reasoning for his own indecisiveness. But he also know how capricious he seemed, giving off mixed signals and fighting between what he wanted and what he knew he could get away with. It must have been hell for Jane.

“I know,” Tavish admitted. “And I need to apologize for that too. It probably feels like I’ve been yankin’ you around, but I dinnae how tae handle anythin’. The only thing I know is that I love you, and I want tae do somethin’ about that.”

But as Tavish looked, Jane’s face didn’t show relief. Instead, it seemed to contort into further confusion; eyes glassy but yet to form tears.

“Why? Why now?” Jane demanded. “How can you just go back and forth all these weeks and say you still love me? I’m not…I’m not even sure you loved me to begin with.”

It was like being hit in the stomach with a golf club. Tavish’ throat constricted. “What?” he asked dumbly. “Why would…how can you even say that? After everything…”

“You made me leave!” Jane practically screamed. His voice reverberated off the surrounding plant life and escaped into the desert. Tears were defiantly falling now, Jane’s face now pure grief. “You said you loved me, and I believed you, and then you made me leave. I would have done anything for you, I would have stayed with you no matter what, but the war was over and suddenly you didn’t want me anymore!”

The beginning of his next sentence was a strangled sob, and he folded his arms across his chest. He moved, putting the oak between him and Tavish to create some sort of physical barrier. Tavish wasn’t playing that game, and followed Jane until he was right up in front of him.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” Tavish said, his voice genuine confusion. “I dinnae make you leave. I thought we parted on good terms.”

Jane just shrank further away. Apparently, Tavish had thought wrong.

“Jane, please,” he pushed. “What happened?”

Of course, Tavish knew exactly what happened all those months ago. He remembered their parting conversation, the farewell, the promise to keep in touch. But he wanted to hear Jane’s version of the events; the ex-Soldier had experienced something _very_ different from Tavish.

Jane refused to make eye contact for a moment, still blinking away tears. But then he looked at Tavish, his voice jaded and hallow. “We both got fired. You took me aside, told me things weren’t going to work out now that we couldn’t hide behind RED.” Tavish felt a twinge. That part was true, he thought that was obvious at the time. But now he could see how awful it must have sounded to Jane. “You were…you were the only person who has ever told me they loved me. No one has ever cared about me the way that you did and I thought…that meant something. But you kept saying how we had to keep our distance now, and I wanted to fight for us but…”

Of course. Jane would never to push if he thought Tavish didn’t want him anymore. He was always so careful—always so delicate with Tavish’s boundaries—he would never do anything he thought Tavish wouldn’t be comfortable with. So instead, he had bottled it up, forever thinking Tavish didn’t love him anymore.

The realization broke Tavish’s heart. “Jane…Jane I’m so sorry. Please, believe me, I _never_ wanted tae push you away. I was just…I was scared.”

“Bullshit.” Jane wiped at his eyes, turning his side to Tavish. “I was scared too. But I still wanted to fight. I _believed_ we could have done it together, even when everyone said we couldn’t.”

“Well. Then you’re braver than I.” Tears began to leak down Tavish’s face. He realized his mistake now, and prayed to Christ above it wasn’t too late to undo it. “I guess I was a coward, in the end. When we got fired…it felt like I had tae wake up from the dream. My job was gone, this wonderful, perfect man I had met was goin’ tae be taken away from me: the fantasy life was over.” He sniffed, knowing his next words were the most important. “I was willin’ tae throw away everthin’ good in my life before it was taken from me. I was an idiot. But now I’m through with all that: I’m willin’ tae fight for us now. I’m willin’ tae face the whole world if it means I can have you back.”

Jane’s head was turned to him now, hope and mistrust still fighting on his face.

“In fact,” Tavish admitted, “I just told me mum.”

Jane’s eyes widened. “You…really?” His face wasn’t pained anymore; it was shocked as it watched Tavish nod. “…How did she take it?”

“I’m nae really sure,” Tavish said truthfully. “But she seems calm. She told me tae come and find you, said you’re the only good thing I still got. I think she’s right.”

Jane stared, not quite sure how to process the strange acceptance. Jane and her had become so close, it was good to know there was still peace to be made. The magnitude of it all seemed to dawn on him, further proven as Tavish reached out and held him by the shoulders. He didn’t flinch away.

“I was an idiot,” Tavish repeated. “But I want tae make up for those mistakes. I should have said I loved you when you first knocked on my door. In fact, I should never have tried to push us apart in the first place. But, if you’ll have me, I’d like another chance.”

Jane stared, taking in Tavish’s words while moonlight filtered through the leaves above them. The desert was cool and quiet, the two of them perfectly isolated in the mansion’s oasis. Jane gently reached out a hand to Tavish’s face.

“I love you,” he croaked.

Jane had never said those words before. Tavish had always known of course, but for some reason Jane had struggled with making them a reality. But now…after all they had made it through, the words were the only thing able to describe what Tavish meant to him.

Tavish kissed him.

Jane kissed back immediately, pushed against the rough bark as the two desperately tried to be together again. It was longing compounded days upon weeks upon months but their time apart didn’t matter anymore because they were both able to feel each other again. Their bodies folded in on one another, Tavish’ hand running into Jane’s short hair. Too many hands and fingers and legs getting the way from them trying to invade each other’s space. The emotions were so raw, it was the only thing they could do.

Suddenly, Tavish felt their positions shift so that his own back was pressed against the tree. The weight of their bodies began to drag them down, legs buckling until they were in a semi-sitting position that was awkward but too distracted to fix. Hot breath sucked and Tavish’s throat, and craving flowed through him. Body parts were every which way, something pressing up against his pants while Jane’s hand unbuttoned his shirt. He couldn’t hold back a groan of desire.

Was this moving too fast? He couldn’t tell, his mind too caught up by the naked need for Jane. Maybe it wasn’t fast enough. Maybe this should have been done months ago, maybe they should have saved the pain while they had the chance.

As he worked off Jane’s shirt he realized: no, this wasn’t too fast. They knew every part of one another, every pleasure spot, every nook and cranny. This wasn’t uncharted territory; they were coming home.

“I love you,” Jane whispered to him, for only the second time in his life. Tavish managed to slur out a string of _I love you too_ s before devolving into moans and various curses.

The bark scratched against his now bare back, and his cravings fought against each other. He wanted Jane right now, to fuck on the wet grass without any reservations. But he also wanted to be slow, to savor every touch. A groan of frustration was cut short when Jane pressed his lips against Tavish’s again.

Jane made the decision for them, rubbing their lower bodies together with almost painful slowness. He got an appreciative moan for his efforts, and Tavish gripped Jane’s ass to hold him in reality.

Hands slipped off his pants, then his boxers, and he wasn’t sure where this was going but he trusted Jane explicitly. He let himself relax in the space between Jane and the oak. Soon, Jane’s pants were off as well, and they ground against each other just like they had clothed.

Every breath was fantastic, the both of them relishing the slowness that they provided one another. This was pure. This was something their relationship had been leading to. It was two perfectly lost people finding each other again, proving they loved each other under moon and stars.

“God, Janey, I love you so much…” Tavish sputtered. “Keep goin’, keep…”

The sex was slow, but not lazy. Every action, every shared thrust against the other’s body was the result of surrender. The fight was over. They had both won.

“I will…Tav…I’m close…”

Even at their snail’s pace they couldn’t keep going forever. Tavish tightened his hold around Jane’s neck, not even sure when he had started gripping it. Their discarded clothes framed them perfectly, and he locked their lips together in another kiss, one he intended to hold until they had both reached the end. This was their moment.

Tavish’s body tightened, and for the first time, Jane picked up his pace. They both moved together, working in tandem, finally coming at nearly the same time. Warmth flowed across Tavish’s stomach, liquid dripping between his legs. Both of their climaxes pooled in the space between them, mixing so that they were indistinguishable. Jane’s whole body spasmsed, rock solid beneath Tavish’s hands. It was the greatest orgasm Tavish had ever had, so much more meaningful and earth shattering than even their most rough sessions.

It was…resolution.

The stickiness between them went ignored, their faces still pressed together in an almost kiss. Tavish had moaned into Jane’s open mouth, but now only gently brushed their lips against one another. It was close enough.

Jane moved his chin onto Tavish’s shoulder, pressing his head against the tree. His breath returned to normal, their chests rising and falling together. Tavish tilted his head so that their cheeks touched, arms wrapped around Jane’s middle like he might fall off. They were both exhausted, stamina stretched to the max. Fingers traced light patterns in Jane’s skin, running over scars Tavish couldn’t see but knew were there.

Finally, he smiled, his power of speech returned to him.

“Are you goin’ soft on me, mate? That was practically makin’ love.”

He couldn’t help but poke fun at the both of them. They had never done anything so…romantic.

“Hmmr. Missed you,” Jane grumbled in response. “And ‘m not going soft. _You’re_ going soft.”

“Is that a comment about me weight?” Tavish joked weakly. “If so, good luck ever gettin’ sex from me again, mate.”

Jane laughed. “’S not about your weight. I happen to like your weight.”

“Bullshite. No one likes me weight.”

Jane frowned, pushing himself up so he could see Tavish better. “I do. I like everything about you.”

Tavish made a noise of disagreement and Jane frowned harder. Gently, Jane slide further down Tavish’s body, and pressed a kiss against his stomach. The hair was matted and sticky with their combined mess, but Jane continued to plant kisses along Tavish’s waist line. Tavih’s tummy spilled over a little, the lovehandles creeping ever bigger, but Jane adored them anyway. He rested his chin and looked up.

Tavish could hardly take it. Jane was doing that thing, that thing that made him more flustered than he thought possible. It was so hard to believe Jane still found him attractive after all that.

Seeing the look on Tavish’s face, Jane repeated, “I like everything about you.” He slid back up, and reached for Tavish’s eyepatch.

Tavish snapped his hand up immediately, holding Jane’s in place right along the strap. He wasn’t sure why, but he was suddenly afraid of Jane removing it. It was illogical: Jane had seen him without the patch plenty of times before, but something about this seemed significant. That was the point, Tavish realized. This was letting Jane take away some of his defenses, the things that protected him from all his insecurities. Slowly, he removed his hand.

The patch came off, Jane slowly tracing his thumb in the place it had protected. It was rippled, skin fried in place by magic, but not horribly scared. Jane gently placed a kiss against the empty eyelid.

“You’re so beautiful, Tav.”

Tavish felt a tear leak from his good eye. He managed a watery smile. “What did I do tae deserve you?”

“Hey,” Jane smiled, still holding Tavish’s face in his hands, “you’re the fucking _epitome_ of deservedness.”

Tavish sniffed, and pulled Jane back into a hug. He was to tired to come up with a witty response, to clean up, to tired to put his pants back on. He just held onto Jane, the night hiding them in darkness until they had safely drifted off.

* * *

They held hands across the breakfast table the next morning. If their disappearance during the night had been noticed, it wasn’t commented upon; Mum joined them briefly and left when she was finished. Jane and Tavish ate their breakfast more slowly, tired from last night but also just savoring the moment. Jane eyed the doorway Mum had left from.

“Is she going to be…?”

Tavish shook his head. “I dunnae think so. She likes you, she likes me. I’m nae sayin’ she’ll give us her blessin’, but things like that have never stopped her from lookin’ after her own.”

The compliment almost went over Jane’s head, but he glowed when he realized it. He squeezed Tavish’s hand all the tighter. They spent the rest of breakfast silently, munching on toast and eggs. It was peaceful. Jane mustered his courage.

“Tav?”

Tavish looked up.

“I’ve been thinking about one of the things you said last night,” Jane continued. “You said that you thought that our relationship was just some fantasy you thought you had do give up.” He noticed Tavish look away guiltily. “I think it’s because you did not think it was real enough. But I would like to change that. I want, from now on, for us to be an always. I never intend on leaving you, as long as you will still have me. And I promise I won’t let liver-bellied maggots drive us apart again.”

Tavish didn’t miss the significance of Jane’s words. He blinked, the smallest, most genuine smile tugging at his lips.

“That sounds like a forever promise,” he commented.

Jane swallowed. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

Tavish didn’t have to say more. He squeezed Jane’s hand, and he promised, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was....significatly longer than the other two parts lol. Damn me and my plot bunnies


End file.
